Drawbacks
by Wicked R
Summary: This is a version of one of my other fics. It starts the same, Drusilla lays a trap to both Angel and Spike, but this time in hope she can starve them enough to make them feed from the humans.
1. The Gathering

Title: Drawbacks  
Author: Wicked R  
Disclaimers: all characters belong to Mutant Enemy.  
Genre: Angst, sub-genre: Hurt/Comfort aka sickfic.  
Rating: same as good aul' Buff.  
Set: late season 6 BtVS, late season 3 AtS. Spoilers accordingly, if any.  
Summary: This is a version of one of my other fics, Crossings, rewritten with quite a lot of added angst and with Angel contemplating going into hibernation!) It starts the same, Drusilla lays a trap to both Angel and Spike, but this time in hope she can starve them enough to make them feed from the humans.  
Pairings: B/S sorta, B/A sorta, X/Anya.  
Warning: not beta read. English is not my first language, so don't expect the impossible from me.  
Note: yes, I AM evil. And obsessed with stomachs. But you already knew that.

Buffy had only realised they walked into a trap after the door has shut behind them. The Fiend never intended to defeat them; it just wanted them out of the way. She looked around in a really large, almost empty room with a frustrated expression on her face and shook her head at her own foolishness. The room wasn't much bigger than her own living room, empty, with a sink at one side, full of water. The room was painted white but had no windows, just another door and a probably 100-watt bulb on the ceiling.Spike was swearing, Anya tried to clean her clothes, Giles and Xander was just looking around, a bit puzzled. Buffy's face reddened in fury as she quickly tried the other door. It opened without any problems and she found herself closely facing…Angel. He appeared to be just as surprised to see them as they were to see him, so Spike saved the curses for another day.

The older vampire was looking a bit dirty with numerous cuts and tears on his clothes as well as many smears of mud. His dark hair stood up in strange places. Peeking behind him, they could see a similar room to the one they arrived into. No doors or windows. Only that one corner of the room was filled with big stashes of tins.

"Would anybody be so kind and explain this to me? Is this a trap?" urged Giles."Sure," offered Angel, "I've been bound here for several now. It was Dru who put me here. She just had too many vampires working for her and I didn't have my friends with me. She didn't leave me any blood, just hundreds of tins of mixed fruit, carrots and ham. At least I know who she intended them for…""Right. What about that door we came in?" asked hurriedly Giles, realising that he stood in front of a hungry vampire."Locked. You can try it, but…there is some electronic mechanism to it, I wasn't able to figure it out. All I know is that it will automatically open in one-month time. It has a timer on. So, basically we don't have to worry too much…""Dru? But why?" asked Buffy."Why pet?" Spike was ready with the Drumetrics, "that would seem bloody obvious to me. The Fiend was working for Dru. Because she liked the idea of Angel and me munching on you too. A month is a long time without any blood. You'll have to be careful with us towards the end. I should've told you…Drusilla visited me a few weeks back, and when I told her I am yours now and you accepted me, she was quite pissed. It must be her way of revenge, not to mention the possibility of getting daddy to do evil things."Angel looked at Buffy, holding her eyes for a while. Spike was hers?"So, peaches, are you gonna fight me?" Spike gestured towards the sword he still kept in his hand after the battle with the Fiend.Angel ignored him for the time being, "Giles, would you like to take a look at that door? Just in case you could do something," he pressed. His demon was just below the surface, not sure if it wanted to stuff Spike, or jump on the food that moved in front of him. Angel moved backwards as far as he could, when Giles passed him.

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Having researched everything, they had to conclude the only thing that was possible to conclude, that there was nothing they could do until the door opened. Then, they could be ready for the big fight with Dru, or the Fiend, or whoever came. Spike didn't think the time they had to spend in there would be that hard to survive without food.

Giles found a productive way to pass the time, he asked everyone to tell about the demons they met, so everybody can later use the knowledge. He also told them quite a lot he could remember from books. Anya was especially useful in demon describing matters.

They sat down in a circle, lying around talking. Angel was a bit to the side, apparently sharpening weapons, but more like lost in his own world. So far, he hadn't shared an intimate moment with Buffy, even though they had been there for over a day now, and she took it as a sign of jealousy towards Spike. With the two, she knew there would be some hostility to be expected in their own camp as well.

"…ugly, monkey-like creatures," Anya clarified Giles' question about the Kappas, "…are about the size of a ten year old child. At first glance they may appear ridiculous rather than demonic. They have saucer-shaped heads, yellowish-green skin, long noses, crazily staring round eyes, and a strange mixture of animal limbs…"

"How do you defeat them?" Giles asked his normal round up question they seemed to have played for the last few hours again.

"Dunno…but I saw Spike once with them!"

"Spike?" Giles turned towards the vampire inquisitively, but without any surprise in his voice.

The blond didn't respond, he didn't actually seem to have heard the enquiry. Instead, he stared in Angel's direction with scrunched eyebrows, as if he was involved in a different quiz. Buffy followed his gaze and saw Angel getting on with his activity, not even looking up. Nothing unusual in other words.

"Spike?" Giles was much louder now, "the Kappa? How do you kill the Kappa? Anya said you were familiar with them."

That, and Buffy's touch of his shoulder drew Spike out of his reverie, "huh? Kappa? What do you want with the Kappa? They live in Japanese villages and don't usually travel too far, unless water is involved."

"So where did you see Fangless with them?" Xander asked Anya.

"Japan of course."

"You saw Spike in Japan? You've been to Japan?"

"Uh, yeah, would be early twentieth century …is this relevant? We haven't even been introduced, or talking or anything, just I remember seeing him with some…no need for all that jealousy all the time…" Anya pouted her lips and leaned over for Xander's hand, which he ultimately gave her.

"Spike?" Giles took them back to the point.

Unfortunately by this time the addressee was back to being lost in reverie the exact same way. Buffy followed his gaze again, then patted him hard on his leg. Funny how Anya was talking about jealousy.

"Ouch! Yeah, right Kappa. Kappas have one weakness. Beating them is in fact a walk in the park if you know what to do. Their concave, saucer-shaped heads are filled with water. It is this water which gives them their strength. If one is able to jostle a Kappa so as to make him spill the water, the demon loses his power and can easily be subdued…"

"I didn't mean about that, come with me," Buffy pulled Spike back to the wall. Giles scribbled down the information, Xander and Anya were involved with each other. "What is it with this staring?" she whispered to Spike, "I want peace! Can I have peace? The last thing I'd wish for is the two of you on each other's throats because of me or for any other stupid reason. Well, I didn't mean I was stupid, but…"

"You should talk to him."

"I will. Later. But first I'm talking to you. Maybe if I ask the both of you to stop this nonsense? Just forget it, right it's pointless asking either of you…"

"No. I mean ask him why he is so reserved."

"Reserved? That's what he is like usually. Standoffish. And given that you are playing body guard to me most of the time, I wouldn't be surprised if he…"

"No, Buffy. It has nothing to do with jealousy. I know my Sire. He is in pain. A lot of physical pain if I might add."

"You…you sure?" Buffy looked in his ex's direction. Angel was glancing at them, pointing a finger furiously at Spike, then sheepishly looked away, their eyes only meeting for a millisecond. He stood up and irately walked to the far away corner.

"Why?" Buffy enquired further, "how can you know? You smell blood on him? Was he injured?"

Spike shrugged, "that little while he spent here before we arrived? I think it's more like several weeks. Hunger pains would kick in…" he suddenly lifted his chin, indicative of his Sire.

"He heard us?" Buffy asked Spike. Although she knew a lot about vampire super hearing, she never actually experienced it first hand, so she wasn't sure.

"The rough idea, I think," Spike clarified.

Buffy moved to the place Angel was standing with his back towards her, still holding his sword, "Angel…are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Angel took a few steps away from her.

"Spike tells me you are in pain," Buffy said as she started to follow him.

"I'm in pain?! In pain?? Damn well I am. How could I have been so thick? How had I misjudge you so badly? Spike? How could you? Do I know you at all? I worshipped you! You were my temple of adoration!" Right enough, a big chasm of dark filled pain revealed itself in his eyes as he turned to look at her that Buffy had an urge to make it right there and then and put out a hand to reach him. Angel turned away from her again, "I cherished you, idolised you, treasured you, longed for you Buffy. What were you thinking?" He started to raise his voice now, everybody hearing their conversation now, "Spike…vampires are merciless killers, extortioners that exploit and ruin everything!"

Giles looked up at him, funnily scrunching his eyebrows, obviously amused.

"How is it I never thought that," uttered Xander.

Buffy was slightly amused and annoyed at the same time as well, "are you giving me a lesson about vamps? God, you're worse than Giles. Or gonna give me into trouble for having fun with a vamp? Of course, you wouldn't know about the fun part."

"Just the Spike part," Angel was shouting in her face, "he doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Only a restraint that was squeezed into his skull. You suppose he'd be in spite of everything all cuddles if that processing unit clogged up? Would you nonetheless count on him after that? Did you forget how he plotted against us?"

"Don't push my buttons Angel. I didn't forget anything. I never forgot how he saved me and the world from Angelu…you!"

"He did it for Dru, not you."

"Yes, he did it for love. Love above all. For a vamp, an ordinary vampire, that would be a very desirable characteristic now wouldn't it? I had enough of this! I have to defend myself in front of everyone because of this! You don't know how it was. I don't have to defend myself. You are the one in question here…"

"I…" Angel squeezed his shuddering palms in uncontrolled jealousy and he broke his sword in two, sound ringing across the room. Everybody's eyes turned to him again as he was dropping the broken pieces down onto the floor. He brought his hands up to cross them in front of his chest, but as he bent over a little, his arms were pressing against his belly instead as if the argument would've upset his stomach even more, "it hurts very much," he admitted, shivering, face pleading and contorted in suffering as he spoke, "satisfied? Now leave me alone!"

"You…you should lie down."

"Leave me alone. I don't need your help."

"Angel, please…"

"As you wish," Angel whispered quietly in a strange puffing voice and settled down in the corner, half lying, half sitting, with his knees bent, not looking at her and quite obviously not wanting anything to do with her.

Buffy had no choice but to go back to the rest of the group.

"What's going on?" Xander confronted her immediately.

"He hasn't had any blood in a few weeks."

"You mean he could go homicidal maniac on us any time now? Not that would be a distant possibility in normal circumstances as well…"

"I'm sure that won't happen. He is in control."

"In control? That's what you call control? He is already on the verge of insanity."

"He doesn't act like it to me. His face never changed, now did it?"

"Come on, we all know it," Xander tried to convince his friend.

"We just need to leave him alone," Buffy tried to assure everybody. It didn't help her either that Spike was still staring at his Sire.

Neither did the blond vampire's mumblings, "fighting it all, trying to reclaim a hold on the mind, calm the screaming of the devil inside…"

"We'll stay in control," Giles cut him off, "we'll keep watch, only sleep in turns."


	2. People Who Care

Chapter 2 - People Who Care

Buffy woke up to some shuffling noises on Xander's watch. Spike was at the sink, dunking his shirt into water. He was only wearing his coat now above his bare upper body. He walked over to Angel, kneeling down beside him. Angel didn't take notice, looking away as ever, his head tilted to the side, to the wall. The blond vampire extended his hand towards him when Angel snapped out one of his to seize Spike's. They looked into each other's eyes motionless for a good part of a minute, which put both Buffy and Xander at unease and made Buffy stand up and move closer to the vampires.

Finally, Spike burst out swearing, "goddamn Peaches! You warped fool-born boy scout! I can't watch this anymore! You think I will allow you to suffer in silence just because it's so damn sexy and gallant? I'm the jealous type if you didn't notice!"

Angel pushed Spike's hand away from himself and let it go. Then he just shut his eyes in protest, disregarding him.

Spike sighed, "just let me help you. Please…S…Sire?"

Angel opened his eyes and looked at him, taken by his Childe's concern, but still unsure of what kind of emotional impact will him admitting to being really hungry have on the others. In hesitation, he just let Spike repeat reaching out towards him, lifting his shirt up and putting a very pleasantly warm cloth, Spike's own shirt on his stomach. And before he figured out what he should do, Spike stood up and left him to his misery.

"Spike? Can I help with anything?" Buffy enquired a bit further away.

"Yes…you could provide us with some blood…but then again, I would never ask you that, Peaches there would not take it cause he still has a grip on it, Giles and Alexander-the-boy would be pissed, so I guess not. Do you not care what they would say? You always seem to care when it's about admitting being with me…I wouldn't recommend it anyway. If you gave some to Angel, I'd be either jealous or peckish so I'd prefer you didn't…would be very unwise, Buffy. And there are no hospitals here, as you can see. What if he drinks too much?"

"You won't let him.""No, Buffy. I will see the blood. I'll smell it. If not grandpa, than I would go wild. I can't guarantee I won't. Sorry.""So? I'm better than you. Or him. What are the chances you both attack me at the same time?"

"No. I'm not helping."

"What do you want to do then? You're just want to be cruel with him, that's what it is."Sick laughter, "thanks for the compliment. I was starting to think I can't prove I can be cruel anymore…look, I'm only asking you not to be foolish. Think about the fact that you will need all your strength when the door opens.""And he needs his. He is too weak to drain me. You can either help me out here, or you can let me do this alone. Your choice," she was angry now. All she could think of how Angel was suffering. Yes, that clouded her mind before and endangered missions. But she was going to do whatever it took to ease the pain for Angel.

"I can hear you," Angel sat up more straight, "I'm fine. See? It's not any emergency. Not now, not ever. I won't die from hunger, I'll just go into hibernation. Did it before, Buffy. Ask Giles, he knows how vampire hibernation works."

"What? Hibernation?" Giles rubbed his eyes and put his glasses on, having just woken up, "vampire hibernation. Interesting topic. Yes, we should probably cover that too. Allegedly, there are a lot of hibernating colonies under the sand dunes of Nevada and Arizona, but some were found inside trees or deep crevices of sandstone rock. I've come across some colonies myself back in Scottish castles while on training. We just went in, set the place on fire before they could properly wake up. I believe they are quite vulnerable before they feed. Although hibernation hides them away from the world for decades at a time, even centuries until the food supply replenishes itself again, the most feasible reason for why as a rule, vampires do not go into hibernation is becoming accustomed to times and dreading the thought of awakening into yet another unfamiliar world."

"No vamp I ever knew would hunger itself into hibernation! I mean lust…" Buffy was unbelieving.

"Of course not, pet. You would do it before the hunger pains hit you. As a choice, not as a must."

"You mean it can be done deliberately?" Buffy never came across the phenomenon before. As Giles said, it was quite uncommon these days.

"I believe so. They just need to increase body weight to provide the crucial fat reserves required. To help conserve energy at this time they lower their body temperature and stay still until they slumber into it. There is also some kind of mantra they would repeat to clear the mind and force the bodily functions in action, or non-action, in this case."

"Wait, but Giles. Increase body weight?"

"They need to. They'd lose from fifteen to forty percent of their body weight just by sleeping."

"Oh, no, no, no. Angel, you're not doing that."

"Angel's gonna hibernate?" Xander came closer to them as well, "that will be fun. Dead boy is actually gonna look dead! On a second thought, he looks dead already, heh."

"Well, the time has not come yet," Angel assured them, "I'll let you know when I can't…I can't…when I think I should."

"Fine, fine," joined them Anya, "but can we go back to our normal sleep just now? It's soon time for my watch…"

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Hibernation wasn't such a bad idea for any of them. They could definitely catch up with sleep, until they were all dreary eyed and tired out exactly from sleep. They were not able to do much in the restricted area they lived for now. You can only play mental chess so many times before not even remembering one piece's location on the imaginary board. Sure they could train, talk and sample the tins Dru left them to open and eat from, but that surely wasn't going to shake their world. Boredom. That goddamned boredom! Of course, if it was only Spike with her, they could find a better way to pass the time. She felt for Xander, as he couldn't even play with Anya as much as he would have wanted now that she forgave and understood his reasons for why he left her at the altar.

Buffy woke up with a start after another nightmare. How she hated sleep sometimes. She looked over to the corner to find Spike sitting on the floor and holding Angel in his arms, rubbing the older vampire's stomach, while Angel was heaving and shuddering intensely. His eyes were shut and he didn't seem to react to anything Spike was doing. The blond continued with his actions and with speaking to him nevertheless, "it will pass, soon, hang on, it's okay, ssh," desperately trying to ease even a little of Angel's suffering. He was mumbling nonsense in a calming tone but it didn't help. Angel was still shifting and growling.

Buffy was by their side in a second, only briefly nothing Spike's unusually sympathetic behaviour towards his Sire. Buffy addressed him too, but there was no response.

Angel's body still writhed, mutterings of what seemed to be attempts at the hibernation mantra turning to moans of pain.

"I've had it," Buffy said firmly, strode back for one of the peach tins they emptied earlier, took Angel's sword and raised her wrist above the tin.

"I still say you're going about this all wrong. Vampires are vampires, they always will be. You seem to be too involved with them nowadays," Giles was trying to stop her, "now I really know they have the power over you. You risk fulfilling your duties as a Slayer. I know how much good Angel and Spike have done for us. Am I asking you to turn against them?"

Going against Giles, going against the whole world if she had to. As she always did. Giles wasn't her watcher anymore. Even if he would still be. The Council was a bunch of crap, as far as she was concerned. They always wanted her to do things she knew better not to. Or how to.

Angel's body tensed the moment after the tin touched his lips and he drank several sips without morphing. Realisation hitting, he stopped for a second, knowing that he would feel very embarrassed if he opened his eyes. He continued to drink another several sips before he remembered Spike being there. He was sure Spike knew he was drinking deliberately at this moment in time, he didn't need to see his facial expression to know that. Then again, he would be the only one who would understand his need. There was no reason to be embarrassed in front of Spike for that. There were several other reasons to feel uncomfortable for with Spike around, but not this. Nevertheless it was time to get a grip, otherwise the rest of the group would realise what he was doing as well. He made an effort, an effort that required all his will power and the hope that Buffy's affection for him will still sparkle in her eyes if he did this, and pushed the tin away. Not much of the contents were left in the tin anyway. Lifting his head, he found himself staring into Buffy's concerned eyes, "that…wasn't fair…"

Buffy turned away nursing her cut, but more offended than anything else, "thank you'd sound better…"

He upset her, again, going about it the wrong way, Angel noted. Disturbing. Not as disturbing as…what is this? Spike holding him? Somebody was trying to help him massaging the painful area. From his position just now and from the fact that the individual knew exactly where it hurt him, the only person that could be was Spike. Disturbing. But not as disturbing as the feeling in his guts still pulling at him, asking for more. His stupid pride that didn't let him drink more!

"What's not fair, love," intercepted Spike, "him getting some food. How come I get none?"

"There is some left at the bottom of the tin. Obviously I can't reuse it, so…" Buffy was quite close to understanding what it was like for the vampires locked in these rooms.

"No," Spike refused, going along with the same analogy Angel previously declined more blood for, but he also found an additional noble reason that could express Buffy in his favour, "Peaches will need it later, for sure. Just take it away from me, will you?"

Angel wanted to protest, but he eventually decided that would take too much effort and shut his eyes again instead. A few hours later he was so still and unresponsive, they couldn't decide if he did in fact manage to go into hibernation or not.

  
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Buffy was always combating demons, even in her sleep. It didn't actually alarm her to wake up to a crashing sound, she just fought a nasty quash fiend in her dream. She just planned on saying good morning to Giles. Turning towards him, she found him unconscious on the ground, with a trace of blood dripping from his neck. Xander and Anya were knocked out, and that was the real reason for the crashing sound, she realised. Spike stood in game face right in front of her, ready to finish her. When he lashed out, it was apparent that the chip was working, but with every slam the pain and the thirst together seemed to make his demon even more mad. Spike seemed to be getting the upper hand momentarily, as Buffy was fazed just being woken up and not sure what to do with her lover. She called out to him in most ways she would tenderly address him when they were getting intimate with each other, but it didn't seem to work. She just have decided a powerful blow to his head would maybe accentuate the chips' action and not cause too much damage when she heard Angel calling, "Willy! My Boy!" His voice was authoritative, but also gentle at the same time, multiple layers of meaning within those few words. Not really reproach, more like understanding, but commanding nevertheless.

Angel sat up, trying his best not to show any weakness, "come here, Will."

Blue eyes connected with the brown ones and something passed between them. A moment of recognition and possibly mutual respect, several decades or even centuries worth of feelings locked into one single look. Then finally understanding from Spike as well.

He morphed back, "I'm sorry, Buffy," his voice showing complete honesty. He hastily disappeared into the other room they kept the tins in.

While Angel slowly leaned back, exhausted by the little intermezzo, Xander and Anya was starting to stir, Giles didn't loose much blood either. Buffy was thankful to fate, (or Angel?), but Spike had to go and stay in the other room. Along with Angel, as everybody kept reminding her.

Buffy helped him through alone, with a "thanks."

"We're on a par again," Angel said and backed off from her without looking at her once more.

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Buffy quickly raised her stake when the door opened the next day and Spike came through, "look Buffy. I'm sorry…" he said hesitantly, "I'm sorry seems a bit…and I'm sorry to bother you, baby, it's just that...well..." he seemed to be reluctant to finish the thought.Buffy waited patiently."It's just that I was concerned!" Spike exclaimed and panted lightly as he completed the thought."Giles is fine. I am fine too.""No," he said, "I mean I'm happy you are…I must sound ridiculous, don't I? But I am worried about…p…Angel. I need you to come through."Buffy sat back slightly, "Oh. Is he worse?""I don't know. He doesn't seem very coherent to me. And serious cramps I would say.""You can never be sure if it's a trick. They both very well could have gone mad with hunger by now," warned her Giles."Then we'll both go," she said, almost ordering him to move.Angel was lying on his side in a corner, wrapped up around himself. Spike stood off to the side, in a position nobody could feel as threatening.Buffy noticed Angel's fingernails first, they had a bluish cast. She touched the cold, clammy hands, "Angel?"Her ex opened his hollow looking eyes and looked at her, "my stomach hurts bad," he explained the obvious, "I can't sit up. Where are we?" he garbled suddenly doubling over into a curled position as another intense pain hit him.Over the next few hours Buffy found Angel losing consciousness for short periods of time. In his moments of lucidity she tried get him to drink some water at least.One of the times waking up he found himself alone. Loud voices were just outside the door. He heard Buffy's determined voice, "I'll feed him again, no matter what any of you says or does. I'm stronger, remember?"There was some noise coming from the entrance door. "I got it," they heard Willow's voice, the security device fell onto the floor making a clanging sound. Just then the door swung open, and the voice's owner barged in. More of the gang followed, Tara and Dawn."You can hardly imagine how happy I am to see you," greeted them Buffy.

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Angel was standing on the steps of Buffy's house, ready to leave for LA."So, are you really feeling better? You could stay for a couple of days…" offered Buffy.Angel did a mental inventory, feeling the weakness still pulling at him like a dull pain, his muscles limp. His belly still pounding from…"Actually," he said, "I am," with that, he left.In comparison to how he was feeling a day earlier, he was better now. But how he was feeling now was a whole different way of feeling awful. Like how you feel when you've cried and cried until you can't cry any more because there are no tears left. He left because he had to. Because, Spike or not, she was still ready to risk everything for him.The End. 


End file.
